I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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