Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Randomize
