How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
You ate ashes out of my bong
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