he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
