Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
