You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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