At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
