Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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