the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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