The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Randomize
