hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
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