if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
