my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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