you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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