he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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