After last night, I could never be a politician.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Randomize
