i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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