its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Randomize
