Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
