The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
