he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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