My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
