Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
