i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
A+ Viking dick
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
