where am i from again
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
