She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
