Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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