proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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