I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
organizing the empties. That sober.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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