So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
