i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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