i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
