Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
