You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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