I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
