I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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