I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
