haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
You work out of a Hotel?
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
