ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
