I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
