Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
