I feel great
I just peed on a car
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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