I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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