Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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