Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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