Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
