He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
