I murdered the dance floor call the cops
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
