there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
