so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
