she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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