Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
